come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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