How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
