I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
