Don't you send me to vm
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
