"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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