Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
