I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
