Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
