At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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