Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
