Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
