He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
