chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
