please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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