I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
