I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize