dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am one with the molecules
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
