sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
whose ass print is on the piano?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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