Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
