Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
