i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
