I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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