she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
