So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize