it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
