I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
