hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
