so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just pee around me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
