Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
