Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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