Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
