he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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