Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize