Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
