My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
