cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
