I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
