In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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