I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize