U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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