I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
