i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i now understand why vodka
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
