Having a random hookup so left but love u
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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