He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
