she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
