I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
