I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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