Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just forgot I was standing up.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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