dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
