Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
