No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Damn victory sex feels great
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
