Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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