i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You are a genius and a whore.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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