Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
