the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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