ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
