My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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