You work out of a Hotel?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
