Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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