ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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