First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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