I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
