dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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