remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
