wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
