Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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