I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
