I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
