I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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