Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
