just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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